I'm motivated...I'm NOT motivated..I'm motivated...

I'm Motivated:

I went to 4 Auditions this month. All open calls. I don't expect a job offer from them. It would be nice but I'm not holding my breath. Mainly it's just nice to have the illusion of taking control of my career. I read some advice that said no one single audition should be the make or break of your career. If you are feeling nervous at auditions maybe it is because you see it as this big thing. The trick is to go on so many auditions that one is no more important than any other. That made sense to me.

I am trying something new (see FlyLady link in sidebar) I learned about FlyLady from the website of a teacher at Atlantic Theater Company. She teaches an audition workshop I'd like to take. She says she has followed the FlyLady system and it works on many levels not just the obvious one. If you checkout the FlyLady link you'll understand what I mean. This teacher is someone who has a career like I want and if it works for her maybe I should try it. It's free and there is no obligation. Yes the site is hokey and there are a lot of touchy-feely elements. I'm trying to look past that right now and try something new.

I'm off to NYC tomorrow for another audition for summer Shakespeare. And maybe a drink or dinner with a friend.

I'm NOT motivated

I have been in my pajamas all day. I got up at 9AM and now it is 5:30PM and I have yet to shower.

I have not walked my dog--let her in the yard but no walk.

I have not followed the Fly Lady system today. FU Flylady!

I have not run any of the errands I needed to do and now I'll be stressed out all weekend because some of this stuff needed to get done today.

I have eaten nothing but crap.

I have said all sorts of nasty things to myself in an attempt to motivate myself. Yes, i know that isn't a great way to motivate anyone especially me. I don't respond well to nasty comments I only shut down more. Unfortunately, encouragement does not come easily to me--right now it makes me cry--yes, really. Quite the conundrum.

Depression..yes. Feeling 'blue'? Not really. Not feeling much of anything at all.