Everything sucks

I’m not happy. Everything sucks. Last week sucked. Everything about it sucked, from having difficult conversations with friends to my therapist forgetting to tell me she would be at her ‘other office’ meanwhile I waited 15 mins (for a second time this year) for her to answer the door , to cutting my finger on the blades of the air conditioner while taking it out of the window.

EVERYTHING SUCKED? Really? Everything?

No smarty pants. NOT everything. Meeting a really nice man from Greyhound rescue did not suck. Loki was the best behaved I have seen her in the 7 yeas she has lived—so some hard work is paying off. Dinner with my wife never sucks. I didn’t have debilitating cramps this month. Those really suck.

I am feeling low because I despair of finding a job. One that pays me more than minimum wage and that won’t drive to me to insanity. In other words, I’m not cut out for customer service, sales or accountant type work. Regardless of my job search and the resumes I send out every month I continue to discover I have “no useful skills.” Online career counseling sites insist my “people” and “soft skills” are highly in demand. Note these sites never suggest where these skills are in demand. They also tell me I am highly creative and independent, that I should explore being an actor or some other creative field. Brilliant. Even the search firm I signed on with last year gave up on finding me a position. They were never able to even find a job opening they felt I was qualified for despite insisting when I signed on that that would not be the case. Mostly it was me sending my resume out and informing them of where I applied.

I once interviewed for a job where the hiring manager told me that while I was qualified for a job as an admin—in fact he wanted me to start right away-- I would never be considered for a job as an upper level manager because people like me don’t qualify as upper level leaders. We don’t have the ability to really grasp how an organization works. I am what he called a “bottom feeder.” Needless to say I did not take the job. I don’t understand economics and high finance or international business law because I chose not to pursue them as a degree not because I don’t have the ability and one thing I do know that this “executive” does not is not to insult someone you want to work for you.

I continue to discover really cool jobs in other states—not so cool as to warrant suggesting selling the house and relocating cool—just the kind of cool that one wonders why Massachusetts, New York, and Washington need so many of the types of services and businesses I wouldn’t mind working for, such as teambuilding and workshop facilitation companies, and organizations working in advocacy for gay and lesbian youth and adults to arts education organizations and organizations working for women returning to the workforce.

I’m not crazy. The job I want is out there. It exists in one variety or another. It just doesn’t exist in Philadelphia. Target exists in Philadelphia. So does Khols and all manner of temp agencies.

And people wonder why I’m depressed? I am the classic example of what everyone is afraid of: I work hard, I follow the rules, I have a work ethic, I have a private school education and a college degree and the only thing I’m qualified to do is stack jeans or work a cash register or answer someone’s phone and put paper in the copy machine.