May as well finish

This is Currituck Light house in Currituck North Carolina on the Outer Banks. I have been going here with my partner and her family on vacation for over 10 + years. I LOVE lighthouses. This one is interesting as it is a twin to Bodie Light house further south on the island. I don't recall which lighthouse is slightly taller by a few feet, t that's one difference between them. The other is that Bodie is painted black and white and Currituck was left in it's original red brick. And you can climb Currituck light as well, you may only peer up the spiral stairs at Bodie.

The north end of the island has become, imho, overdeveloped. Perhaps you vacation there and would tell me that all the new development is welcome and needed. But I say the very elements that make going to the Outer Banks interesting and special for me are the unspoiled dunes, the wildlife and the fact people are not, as my more urban students might say, 'all up in your grill.'

Case in point, the wild horses that live there and have done for CENTURIES were once considered an attraction. It was a REASON to go to the island. Now that Martha and Joe McMillions and Stacy and Sam Wannabe have built their sprawling seaside row homes that sleep 20 -30 people the horses became a 'nuisance.' They got in the way of the over privileged driving their land rovers and sports cars. They shat in front of the house and ate the non native lawn and flowers so carefully selected for that special Martha Stewart I-live-better-than-you-do look.

Concessions were made. Currituck is a poor county and became enthralled with the money it could make from these McMansions and subsequent strip mall chain stores. The land was plowed under, gated communities went up and the horses were, as the Native Americans before them, 'relocated'

Despite the continuing development of this once lovely barrier island I still enjoy my visits but admittedly less and less. If I wanted Jersey I'd stay at home. When we go we stay in Southern Shores about 18 - 20 miles south of Currituck light. It has been a dream of mine for over 5 years to bike up and back to the lighthouse. In my dream the weather is fine. Not too hot, not too cold. There is nominal wind and always at my back. And the scenery and smells are heavenly.

2 years ago I was able to do half this dream ride. I rode FROM the lighthouse back to our rental home and promptly collapsed in the hot tub. It was then I discovered the healing properties of hot water and strong jets!

Due to health issues I was not able to ride at all last year. So this year I was DETERMINED I would realize my dream. Besides it is also part way to reaching a larger dream, of riding 100 miles in a single day. To this end (and for general health reasons) I started working with a trainer at my gym. This, combined with the fact that for the past 3 years the weather has been picture perfect (clear skies, mid 70's, no wind) almost the entire week, instilled me with a smug confidence.

And here is where life tests me. How badly did I want to realize this goal? What was I willing to do, where was the line drawn? This year it was overcast every day but Tuesday , our 3rd day there. This year the temperatures were in the mid 60's and the wind blew every day. Each night I would look to the forecast and send out a prayer to the weather gods and each morning they greeted me with a big "PTHW!"

On Friday October 16th 2009 the temperature was an average of 52 degrees. It was raining - well, misty in Southern Shores and outright pouring in Currituck. The wind ranged from 7 - 14 mph with 18mph gusts.

And I rode. I had help. My sister-in-law Judy rode up with me and Diane was to ride back with me.

The first 5 miles I thought "this isn't so bad" and around mile 10 I thought "I'm am crazy this was a BAD idea." At mile 14 when the wind was blowing so hard I felt like I wasn't moving, I was cold and soaked I through "I am NOT going to do a return trip, this is madness." That's also about when I started singing "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" making up my own somewhat bawdy verses.

And although the land is relatively flat my guess is that it is about a slight 3% uphill grade. Between that and the wind I was feeling cranky. I wanted to give up. I thought this was a terrible idea. I thought if it was sunny I'd be baking alive. I thought it is so developed now I could easily get hit and fatally injured because no one expects to see a cyclist out here. I thought this feels like when my trainer makes me hold a plank position or do wall squats and my body is screaming. And then I thought YEAH! That's exactly it. Isn't that why you started training so you could do exactly THIS? And don't I always make it through? YES! And when it hurts so much and you think you can't finish what happens then? - Usually Kevin (my trainer) says something like "only 20 more seconds" and I think "oh - only 20 more seconds...well if I've done it this long surely I can hold out another 20 seconds."

When Judy and I arrived at the light house Diane and the 'support team' weren't there yet. We were cold and tired and hungry and soaked. I suggested we keep moving, keep riding around the park that surrounds the lighthouse to keep warm. I told Judy maybe I shouldn't ride back and she said if Diane didn't want to do it, she was already soaked so why not make the return trip? Besides it'll be easier because it's mostly down hill. For 20 seconds hated her. I was looking for a way out, an excuse, a logical reason why I couldn't do this thing that I've dreamed of doing for years. Damn accountability! Right then I knew I was going to finish this thing whether I wanted to or not. And then I realized I didn't REALLY want to quit I was just unhappy with the weather but, like Judy said, like I've learned at the gym, as long as I've done this much I may as well finish. And my hate turned to admiration for this person who was willing to literally go the extra 20 miles in so many ways to help me realize MY dream.

Diane arrived. I ate a sandwich, mounted up and headed back home. The rain wasn't coming down quite so hard. The road is a 'downhill' grade. Diane led almost the entire way so I didn't need to work so hard and as long as I kept moving I didn't feel as cold.

So I did it! I finished my goal. It wasn't like I dreamed it would be. I tried to get out of it but realized when push came to shove I didn't want to get out of it I just wanted different circumstances. And isn't that the way of many things in life? And it feels good to have done it. I didn't do it out of obligation or because someone else chose this task for me. This is something that I wanted for me and I did it for me.

I continue to keep looking for ways to incorporate this new found personal motto in all the areas of my life - I've already done this much I may as well finish. At least where it applies to the things that I want to do for myself. My hopes, my dreams, my goals, my life being lived for me.

The next ride is TBA. I do know the next epic ride (because now 40 miles is a given) has to be 60 miles and then as long as I've done 60 I may as well finish up with 100!