When I am really focused on me, what I want, need, feel I am MUCH happier. Not in that 'oh look I'm focused on me--now I'm happy!' sort of way but rather in a round about way.
For example, you may recall a previous post about PQ - the unpleasant person that roams thru my circle of acquaintances causing emotional tsunamis. I made the choice about 6 to 9 months ago to STOP, really STOP engaging on any emotional level with PQ or anyone else who wants to obsess on PQ. I manage on a day to day basis but I still feel the hook, the draw the addiction to be drawn into the PQ world and allow it effect me. PQ recently announced that the Philadelphia Live Arts Festival will be funding a PQ project--'with actors!' That gut wrenching pang of "I'm not involved, you don't consider me worthy" hit hard and fast. As I listened to the details of the project I reminded myself PQ has their ride and I have mine. I detach. I focus on me. I still feel envy but I also feel a tiny bit better. This project has no bearing on me or what I want. A couple days later a story is shared with me. An acquaintance learned about the PQ Project and allegedly felt hostile and despondent for several days. When I heard that I realized I am making progress. Several months ago I would have had the same reaction, in fact, I HAD that reaction in the moment. But the feeling only lasted about 1 hour not 12 hours, days, or weeks. I recognized that although I still feel lonely in this new journey I am also feeling happy.
Holy *$@#$!
BTW--FlyLady is slowly making a difference in my life. A message came this week--it is SO true for so many things and it was a good reminder it went something like this:
"If you know what needs to be done but you still don't do it you set yourself up for failure"
Word FlyLady!
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